When I fall

Spitting fire at your castle walls

The dragon unleashed, justice calls

Stronger than peace

Beauty or the beast

Trapped in your fortress of reason

True to a story but to the heart it`s treason

Two whole seasons

Waiting for happily ever after

Through chaos and disaster

Moments of rapture

Trying to capture

The unattainable fantasy

Frantically

Hoping romantically

For a chance to be

Your chosen one.

Faced with a frozen sun

Stay open, run, or

Come

Close

To bare my soul naked and whole on the bridge with a toll

A high price to risk losing control

Surrender and fall

But you weren`t there to catch me at all

Watching me through the crack in the wall

You claimed the order was just too tall

And so I would fall, again and again, bruising myself with false hope

With self-blame and shame as my gloomy friends to cope

When one day I realized you would never really show up

That it actually wasn`t safe to let go and trust

The little bit of light that would sometimes shine through

Just wasn`t enough to replenish and renew

The fire that I stayed up all night to maintain

Hoping you would come, maybe take a turn to sustain

The embers that would remain

From the howling storms and rain

The pain

Of feeling so alone

In a place I thought we could call home

Your need for space an excuse to postpone

Facing what I reflected in you that you

 just

could not

own.

Well I’m sorry that you couldn`t choose love over fear

That your gut feeling said I just wasn`t the right mirror

That the distance became a reason to not really be here

That the resistance to diving deep became especially clear

When I gave you one last chance to decide

To embark fully or not on this wild ride

A chance to bridge the divide

And breathe into the knots inside

But you chose to say no

A place where I so often felt you go

A space you wouldn`t really let me know

And so the curtains draw, it`s the end of the show

I`m trying to walk away but you keep me on stage

The longing makes me stay but I know I need to turn the page

Your love, sweetness yesterday, now ignites anger and rage

So I storm off with a bitter taste in my mouth

Hurt, disappointed that things went south.

Maybe one day I could let you in again,

Maybe as an ally, maybe as a friend,

Maybe I’ll even forgive and be grateful in the end

But until then

This raging fire needs room to breathe

A place to express and be fully received.

At the crossroads of grief and power,

Something is dying and another wants to flower

In the sun

Of the only one

Who is always there

To catch me when I fall.

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